Ayan Fujimiya: the Weekend is Not Enough
by Koyuki Aode
Summary: A/U adventures in chibiland! Chibi agents Ayan Fujimiya, Ken Ken Hidaka, and Yotan Kudou are sent by "O" to track down innocent Nagi-u's stalker. Just who could it be? Old fic, wannabe James Bond parody. Beware of shounen ai and some language.


A/N: OMG, I barely remember writing this, it was so long ago. /o\ All I can say.. is... Sorry. ^_^;; I think I intended for it to be a James Bond parody-type fic. Bleh. Oh and Nagi-u was just a make-shift chibi name. ^^; I was desperate...  
  
Disclaimer: The Weiß chibis belong to Kyoko Tsuchiya-sensei. Farshmellow cream is.. not my idea. O_o; A friend told me about it and got me into it, and I've seen it several places on the net, but I'm *not quite sure* who came up w/ it. So my apologies to whomever is the originator of the concept.  
  
Ayan Fujimiya: The Weekend is Not Enough  
By Koyuki Aode  
  
~...~ = Schu thoughts  
  
It was 1 o'clock in the afternoon, on a bright, hot Saturday. Well not really. It just depends on which time zone you think I'm in. For all I know, it could've been Sunday. Maybe it was Friday. Maybe even… Monday. But anyway, it was Saturday, and somewhere in Tokyo (so that's where I am!), in front of a flower shop, there lingered a car. It was an ordinary car. With an ordinary driver. Ok, so he was a 20-year-old Japanese dude with red hair and really long eartails. And an earring. Just one. But that's who he was. An ordinary (chibi) man named…  
  
"Fujimiya," the redhead stated as he answered his car's videophone. "Ayan Fujimiya." He wiped himself swiftly with a handkerchief, and stuffed it back into his trenchcoat. "Is that you, O?"  
  
O bit his lip as he looked on from his position in the videophone screen. "Yeah, it's me. Are you hot, Ayan?"  
  
"Not past comfort." Ayan kept a controlled look on his face as he sweat profusely. "I'm just getting a little annoyed that my noon appointment isn't here yet! I thought you said my client would be here on time!"  
  
O rolled his large blue eyes. "Ayan, your 2 o'clock is the client and he's meeting you at Starbuck's. Noon was supposed to be your lunch hour. Right now is when you're supposed to be meeting your new partners! After your appointments, you're coming here to get your new fighting gadget with your partners."   
  
"But O, why am I meeting my partners first? Shouldn't I find out what the job is?"  
  
"Don't doubt my planning," O stiffly said as he glared. "I know what I'm doing." He paused as he peered into the screen. "By the way, try opening your windows," he added flatly.  
  
"Oh… Good idea." Ayan rolled his windows down as he emptied his water bottle onto his hair, and sat back. "So… O… What am I going to use on this job?"   
  
"…"  
  
"O?" This time it was the redhead's turn to peer into the screen. The blond looked up from something that had been distracting him and blushed.   
  
"Eh… Na… nani?" Ayan opened his mouth to question him, but was interrupted as two chibis strode up to his car window. "Ah! Ayan, those are your partners!" O alerted him, pointing wildly, then waving. "Well, I'll get going now. Remember to pick up your weapons!" Then the screen flicked off.   
  
"… Okayyy…" Ayan sweatdropped in confusion, then turned to the two figures that approached. "Were you sent here by O?" He kept a skeptical gaze on them.  
  
The two (chibi) men nodded in unison. One of them, a tall, lanky blond (if that's possible in SD form), looked incredibly lazy as he leaned against the car, keeping his hand on the cigarette in his mouth. The other man, a brunette, looked younger, more energetic, and had, for some odd reason, a pair of motorcycle goggles on. This one spoke first, giving a nod and a small salute with his gloved hand. "I'm Hidaka Ken Ken, swift athlete [flashy background], at your service. If you need any jobs done quickly, without the fuss, I'm the man you call."   
  
"I'm Kudou Yotan, the charm-filled agent of love. [Shoujo bubbles popped up behind him. ]I shall provide good back-up, and help you slip in and out of sticky situations with the grace of a cat," Yotan pushed up his sunglasses as he spoke with the cigarette in his mouth. "And you would be?"  
  
Ayan unlocked the other doors of his car, gesturing for the two new agents to get in. "Fujimiya. Fujimiya Ayan." Ken Ken and Yotan obliged, and settled in the backseat. Then they sat in silence. After a few minutes, the old lady from the flower shop, gently stroking her kitten, came up to the open passenger window.   
  
"Irasshaimas~"  
  
"No thanks." Ayan interrupted coolly.   
  
The lady looked at him for a second, then walked away, muttering under her breath. Again, after the incident, Yotan and Ken Ken waited for something to happen. Finally, after ten minutes, Ken Ken broke the silence. "Ayan, aren't you going to tell us anything cool about yourself, so we can get on with the story?"   
  
The redhead looked back slowly to glare at him. "You were an hour late."  
  
The brunette smirked back at him. "You were an hour early!"  
  
"Grr… FINE!" Ayan relented roughly. "I'm Ayan, I'm a cold bastard and I kick ass, so don't get in my way, and YOTAN STOP SMOKING IN MY CAAAAR!!!" He swiftly grabbed the cigarette out of Yotan's mouth and threw it outside.   
  
The blond blinked, grumbling: "Hmph. Well, someone around here doesn't get any…" Ayan began to fume.  
  
"OK!! OK!!" Ken Ken stuck his hands between the two. "Ayan, we're going to miss the meeting with our client if we don't get going. Client. Money. MONEY…" Ken Ken waved a few yen in front of the redhead's nose.  
  
"Ikuso."   
  
*  
  
In a few short scene changes, the trio of agents ended up at a nice Starbuck's. As they got out of the car, Yotan looked at the strange picture of the lady on the Starbuck's logo and raised an eyebrow. "Is this place legal?"   
  
"If selling highly caffeinated and sugar-pumped beverages with insanely large amounts of foam and caramel is legel… Yes," a soft voice rang from behind them. They all turned around to see a solemn young boy with freakishly huge eyes, in a gray school uniform suck quietly on a venti frappeccino, that was almost as tall as he was. He glanced at all of them, then looked at his watch.   
  
"He looks like a power-puff girl," Yotan muttered.  
  
"Yotan!" Ken Ken hissed.  
  
The boy pretended not to hear the comment. After all, to most people, he was still damn cute. "Are you O's men?"   
  
"Hidaka Ken Ken."  
  
"Kudou Yotan."   
  
They acknowledged him with a nod, and he nodded back. "I see. O has assured me that you are his best men for the job."   
  
"He's one of the best seventeen-year-olds I know." Yotan nodded. The blond then nudged Ayan with his elbow and whispered. "Introduce yourself to the client!"  
  
Ayan glared. "Hajimemashite. Fujimiya. Fujimiya Ayan desu. Anata wa?"  
  
"Naoe Nagi-u," the boy cringed as he said the name. "I'm here because I think someone's been spying on me, and I need your help to stop whoever is doing it."  
  
Yotan whipped out a small notepad and handed it to Ken Ken. "Here, take notes."  
  
"Why do I have to take notes?!"  
  
"Because this doesn't involve women, and I'm increasingly losing interest in the job," the blond replied smoothly. Ken Ken sweatdropped as he retrieved a pen out of hammerspace.  
  
"Do you have any idea who this person might be? And do you have any evidence?" Ayan inquired montonously.  
  
"I know of three residents in my apartment building who could be suspects, but I'm not sure which of them is the culprit." Nagi-u let go of his frappeccino and let it float as he counted off the suspects on his extra-chibi fingers. "The first is Farfie, the owner of the Farshmellow Cream empire. I suspect him because I always find traces of Farshmellow in my apartment when I wake up in the morning. The second is Brad, a stock market king who boxes on the side. I suspect him because I always find a bunch of extra yen in my apartment when I wake up in the morning. And the third is Schu-Schu, a psychiatrist."  
  
Ken Ken scribbled wildly. "Yes… And why do you suspect him?"  
  
"He always knows what I'm thinking and he has a camera."  
  
"And?"  
  
"Well, someone's been taking pictures of me…" Nagi-u blushed.   
  
Yotan turned slightly green. "All right, I've heard enough. We'll interrogate these suspects as soon as we can."  
  
"Thank you. All of you," Nagi-u grabbed onto his frappeccino once more. "I await the day that I will be safe from the peeping Tom that one of them is. You will each receive your pay once the suspect is caught. Oh, and please be discreet as you interrogate the suspects. I don't want them to know that I know."   
  
"Hai, domo." Ken Ken bowed.  
  
"O… ka… ne…." Ayan's eyes filled with dollar (or yen) signs as Ken Ken and Yotan grabbed his arms and dragged him away.   
  
*  
  
"O… ka… ne…"  
  
"So, I take it the meeting went well?" O rummaged through a closet as Ayan sat dazed on O's couch.   
  
Ken Ken waved his hand at Ayan's face. "Yup. Now all we have to do is figure out which of the three it is, and nab him."  
  
"Why did you assign *me* to this job, O? It doesn't seem that difficult." Yotan complained, trying to get comfortable in a beanbag chair.   
  
"Well, I just thought that having three of you there to investigate three people would be equal teamwork for you all." The younger blond finally found what he was looking for and kicked the closet door shut with his foot.   
  
"Ken Ken, this is your weapon." A glove was placed in the brunette's lap. "Yotan, this is your's." A watch was placed in Yotan's hand. "And Ayan…." Large blue eyes scanned the blank violet ones. "Agent Ayan?"   
  
"…O… ka… ne…."  
  
O sighed and set the katana in Ayan's hand. "Agent Ayan…" He whipped out a rather large currency bill and waved it in the redhead's face.  
  
"Nani?!" Ayan snapped back to reality.   
  
"Ayan, you have each received your weapons for this job. Now, I have researched each of the suspects, and have printed out profiles for them, and information about their living arrangements." O handed out little packets of paper as he spoke. "All that's left for you to do is figure out which suspect is the true criminal. You got that?"  
  
"Hai!" The trio nodded.  
  
"Ok, I've set up a meeting with each of them at these addresses."  
  
"Wakatte, O." Ayan stood, nodding to his partners. "Yo-Yo, Kentai…"  
  
The other two sweatdropped.   
  
"It's Yotan."  
  
"And Ken Ken."   
  
"Whatever. Iku yo!"  
  
*  
  
Ken Ken sighed as he sat across from the wealthy owner of Farshmellow Cream Industries. The man just would not cooperate, and the eye patch was distracting. "Ok, sir, I'm going to have to ask you one more time. Please, stop eating the Cream and answer my questions."  
  
Farfie looked up at him. "Will this hurt God?"  
  
"N~… Yes," the brunette paused. "I need to know if you might have a few explicit pictures of Naoe Nagi-u, one of your neighbors."   
  
"…. How does this hurt God?"  
  
"Because… I'll use the photos in some satanic ritual that will eventually destroy Nagi-u." Ken Ken nodded to himself.   
  
Farfie's uncovered eye twitched and he flicked a blob of Cream at the brunette. "I cannot help you."  
  
*  
  
Meanwhile, Ayan's face turned red as he sat across from Brad in the chibi American's office.   
  
"You're getting mad now, aren't you?" Brad grinned devilishly. "I knew you would get mad. And for your next question, the answer is no."   
  
"I just need to know~"  
  
"No, I can't help you, I know nothing about Nagi-u's situation."   
  
The redhead glowered. "Could you just~"  
  
"You'll have to be leaving soon, won't you?"   
  
"Will you~"  
  
"No."  
  
"I have to ask~"  
  
"No."  
  
"I need to~"  
  
"No."  
  
"URUSAI!!" Brad laughed after screaming the word with him. "This is fun, actually. Do you really have to leave?"  
  
Ayan's cheeks puffed out as his face got redder and he stood up to leave.  
  
*  
  
And Yotan? Yotan yawned as he sat in Schu-Schu's patient chair. "So…"  
  
The German squinted his eyes as he waited expectantly, leaning forward in earnest. "Yes?"  
  
"I've come to ask you about one of your neighbors…" The chibi agent puffed on his cigarette.  
  
~This blond…~ Schu-Schu subtly bit the inside of his lip.  
  
"His name is Naoe Nagi-u. He lives right across from you."  
  
~In a pineapple…~ His left eye twitched at the effort, and he felt sweat form at his brow.  
  
"If you could give me… any information about break-ins or weird creeps or anything…"   
  
~With a pink umbrella. No, wait. Make that purple.~ His chest heaved with a contented sigh as the image filled his mind. ~Yummy.~ Schu-Schu felt his mouth curve into a natural smirk, and sat back. "I can't help you."  
  
"Ok. So um… I hear you like photography?"  
  
"The camera is Nagi-u's. He let me borrow it."  
  
"Um… ok." Yotan paused and blinked lazily. He then sat up as he sniffed the air. "Is that a pina colada?" Schu-Schu's eyes grinned as he looked at the agent over the rim of a cup.  
  
*  
  
"Who do you think it is?" Ken Ken whispered as the agents huddled outside of the apartment building. "Mine says it's not him."  
  
"Mine said the same thing." Yotan frowned. "I think." He really wasn't sure, since he still felt drunk.  
  
"Mine_would_not_answer_my_questions," Ayan's teeth remained clenched as his eyebrow twitched.   
  
"Ok, so they all deny it," Ken reasoned, "But they all knew what we were here for, am I right?" The redhead and the blond nodded. "Who is it?"  
  
"It's all of them," Ayan growled.  
  
From behind them, there came the sound of scattered applause. To their horror, Ayan, Yotan, and Ken Ken found themselves faced with Farfie, Brad, and Schu-Schu, and a very large dump truck filled with Farshmellow cream.   
  
"Omedetoo. You have solved the mystery," Brad grinned at them. "You may now receive your prize. A lifetime supply of Farshmellow product."  
  
"Why you…" Violet eyes glared at the three evil-doers, and Ayan unclicked his katana from it's sheath. "SHI-NEE!!!~" His cry was cut off as a very large blob of cream fell from above. "K'so! I'm trapped!" He waved his arms helplessly as he sank into the mass of cream, wishing, hoping to find the hilt of his katana. "Kentai! Yo-Yo! Nige!"  
  
"Ayan!" Ken Ken screamed, and clenched his fist, revealing his kitty claws. "You bastards! How dare you cream Ayan! AAHHH!!" He ran at Farfie.  
  
"Ken Ken! Noo!!" Yotan tried to save him, but was also slammed by a blob of cream, and watched helplessly as another blob headed straight for his partner. "NOO!! ASUKA!!!~~… *Lick* Hey, this stuff is kinda good…"   
  
*  
  
Later that night, a young blond chibi walked by himself into a certain street alley. In this alley, a distinguished coated figure awaited him. "So… Do you have the money?"  
  
Blue eyes blinked nervously, and $100,000 (or about 116,000 yen) were waved in the air. "Done. Do you have them?"  
  
An obnoxious smirk crossed the figure's face, and five pictures were waved in the air. "Done." In seconds, each received their prize, and the boy walked away, staring happily at the pics. "Matte." The nasal voice called after him.  
  
"Hm?"  
  
"What do you want me to do with them??" The figure stepped aside, gesturing to a trio of chibi agents, all trapped in a messy blob of Farshmellow cream.   
  
One of them, a redhead, lay prone and half-buried at the top of the mess, as he mumbled to himself. "O… ka… ne…"  
  
Another, a blond, shook his head as he licked at the blob that held him captive. "I always knew the internet would rot your brain, kid. I always knew it. But… damn, this stuff is good!"  
  
And the third, a brunette, sat and stared in shock. "OMITTCHI! Just tell me why… WHY?!"  
  
"O" smirked at them, and waved his pictures of Nagi in front of them, as he licked up some Farshmellow cream. "Because I needed to keep you all distracted as I HTMLed my new Nagi shrine!" Omittchi tossed them a wave and headed off. "See ya later. Oh, and Schu-Schu. I'll be done in a few hours, so keep them busy at least until then."  
  
"Okay! That shouldn't be too hard…" Schu-Schu grinned down at the three agents. "There's still a lot of cream left…" The glint of a knife and a pair of glasses pierced through the enveloping shadows of the alley behind him.   
  
"EEEEP!!!!!!"  
  
*owari*  
  
A/N^2: -_-;; I have nooo idea what I was thinking... I was probably as bored as I am right now... X-x; 


End file.
